By SHAWN DAY

More than 10 months after their son was killed in Iraq, Clay and M.J. Kesterson still struggle with a loss that is as painful as ever.

"The grief hasn't changed," Clay Kesterson said. "It won't. It never will."

Still, Kesterson and his wife have not let their grief keep them down. With the memory of their son Erik propelling them, the Independence couple has spent the year channeling their energy into helping other military families.

They have attended memorial services for Oregon soldiers killed overseas, forged friendships with families and quietly mapped out plans for a memorial to honor Oregon soldiers serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.

This month, the Kestersons kicked off a drive to collect $500,000 for the memorial, which will feature a sculpture of a soldier kneeling atop a 6-foot pedestal in a reflecting pool shaped as a map of the world.

"We want (the soldiers) to know there's a place of honor for them, and they won't have to wait 50 years," Kesterson said.

The sculpture will be positioned on the area representing the United States and will have a hand stretched toward the rest of the world to symbolize America's desire to help others, M.J. Kesterson said.

More than 25 soldiers with Oregon ties have died while serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. The names of those soldiers, along with the names of any others who lose their lives in those countries in the months ahead, are expected to be engraved on the memorial pedestal.

"These people aren't just names to us," she said. "They've become family."

Army Warrant Officer Erik Kesterson had been in Iraq for eight days when his Black Hawk helicopter collided with another, then slammed into a building Nov. 15, 2003, in the northern Iraq city of Mosul. He was 29.

Military reports indicated that the two Black Hawks, part of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), were flying different missions when they collided.

Kesterson's Black Hawk carried a quick-reaction team; the other carried troops on a transport mission. Seventeen of the 22 soldiers on board the two aircraft died.

The cause of the collision remains unclear, although Clay Kesterson said that military officials told him that the two copters took small-arms fire from the ground before colliding.

"We're never going to know what happened," he said.

Shortly after Erik's funeral, M.J. Kesterson began outlining plans for a memorial to honor him. In May, they dedicated a memorial plaque that one of Erik's brothers made in his honor at Independence State Airport.

Still, Erik's parents couldn't shake the thought of other Oregon soldiers serving in the same war and being forgotten. So they kept working on plans for a larger memorial.

"We were telling other families, 'We're going to do something. Your boys are not going to be forgotten,'" she said. "It was like pushing a rock off the mountain 'There's no stopping us.'"

The couple established a nonprofit company, the Afghan-Iraqi Freedom War Memorial Fund. They networked with veterans and families to gather support, found a local architect to design the plans and then contacted Jim Willis, director of Oregon Department of Veterans Affairs, to find available land near the Capitol Mall.

After the legal details are worked out, Willis said, a 20-by-20-foot piece of land near the department's building, at 700 Summer St. NE in Salem, likely will be the home of the Kestersons' proposed memorial.

"I can't see anyone opposing what they want to accomplish," Willis said. "We would welcome that addition to the existing memorials."

The proposed Afghan-Iraqi Freedom War Memorial would be the seventh memorial to sit on the roughly one-acre property. It is expected to rest between the World War II and Medal of Honor memorials.

Patrick Kelly of Klamath Falls hesitated at first thought of approving a memorial that would honor his son.

Then, the retired police officer said, he realized "the people of the state need to remember the veterans."

Kelly's son, Marine Lance Cpl. Bryan Kelly, was killed July 16 from injuries he suffered while fighting in the Iraqi province of Al Anbar. The Kestersons immediately called to offer their condolences, and they spent time mourning with the Kelly family.

"It was a big help having someone here who had been through what we were going through," Patrick Kelly said, adding that he and his wife, Joan, have become friends with the Kestersons.

"It's been over two months since my son was killed, and at the drop of a hat I cry about that still," he said. "It's not an easy thing."

Arlene Walters of Salem said she and her husband, Norman, have spoken frequently with the Kestersons since Erik's death last year. Arlene and Norman's son, Army Sgt. Donald Walters, was ambushed and taken prisoner before being fatally shot in the back on March 23, 2003.

Although the Walterses had not seen the memorial's design last week, Arlene Walters described the idea for a memorial as "wonderful."

"They took the bull by the horns, so to speak," she said of the Kestersons.

A timeline for the memorial's construction has not been set. The Kestersons hope to break ground Nov. 15, 2005, to mark the second anniversary of their son's death, but work will not begin until the $500,000 is collected, M.J. Kesterson said.

The couple began collecting donations during the second week of September and so far have raised about $2,000, she said.

The fund raising is not expected to stop once the memorial's goal is reached. Instead, Clay Kesterson said, donations will go into an emergency relief account to help Oregon soldiers and military families in need.

In the meantime, the couple plan to stay busy honoring American troops by promoting a memorial that will "speak to generations down the road," M.J. Kesterson said.

"We're going to do something to educate kids that these were real heroes, modern-day heroes."


Memorial funding

Donations to help fund the construction of the Afghan-Iraqi Freedom War Memorial can be sent to Sterling Bank, 302 S Main St., Independence. Checks should be made payable to the Afghan-Iraqi Freedom War Memorial Fund.

For more information, call Clay or M.J. Kesterson at (503) 606-2765 or visit

www.freedomisntfreeoregon.org